Dude, Asia’s Weird.

home sweet home?

For someone who majored in International Studies, there were always regions of the world I was never really that interested in. In fact, being the asshole that I am, I managed to sneak through the Mac major with the most requirements (in terms of number of courses and random guidelines), while still playing to my little pet areas (Central/Eastern Europe/Latin America).

I like the big issues, the world-wide institutional issues and the human rights-type stuff. The only times I’ve ever been interested in theory is in human rights/development strategy. Honestly, I don’t even think I know as much about my little pet areas as I should. For some reason, with Africa, the Middle East, Asia, I would read the case studies in my courses that had no specific geographical focus, I had a basic working knowledge of some issues or history involved, but I was always a little “meh” about the whole thing. I really think I was the most “meh” about Asia, to be frank. But now, here I am, signed up for a year, and, at least at this point, totally comfortable with the possibility of spending 2 or 3 here.

So, why? Confucianism is the name of the game here (for those who don’t know, this is an orientation lecturer’s quick and dirty definition: i) man>woman, ii) old>young, iii) tests are awesome). There’s more to it than that, but, on a fundamental level, does that sound like me? Add in a deeply ingrained cultural obsession with appearances, and an odd blend of passive aggression and saying rude shit directly to your face, and I’m really not at home (okay, maybe those last two parts, but it’s different here than at home). I can’t have bare shoulders and I’m gonna have to wear scarves in New Orleans-style humidity. I don’t even like fish and chips or red pepper flakes, never mind spicy squid soup or anchovies in a sweet sauce with almonds.*

Ask the former Shang employees, I don’t even know how to use chopsticks.**

Especially because, Christ, I just did the culture shock thing, man. That was the better part of a year, wondering if I was going insane, having panic attacks, and spending incredible amounts of my time hunting the white whale of all Caporales videos, even falling so far as to watch some of the ones that emigrants are making in Virginia (hey, they’re a serious drop in quality!). [I’d like to take a moment to apologize to Dan Truchan, who bore the terrible brunt of that video obsession.] In that case, what the hell is going on?

*Those aren’t crazy weird abnormal dishes, those are both selections from Thursday’s cafeteria menu. The squid is still kinda hot for my taste, but so is everything ever, and it’s not that bad. You get beyond the texture/fact it looks like squid, and there’s really not much taste. The anchovies aren’t my bag (yet), but they aren’t that bad either. By the way, our cafeteria food wouldn’t win any awards, but it isn’t half bad either (told you it was weird here).
**I can use chopsticks now. Fairly-okay. It’ll get better.

Well, Christ, calm down, I’ve only been here like three weeks, it’s all still fresh and crazy and new. Truthfully, I think Korea is gonna be like vitamins for me. I’m gonna learn to live without a giant crazy family all up in my grill all the time (shout out to all three of my crazy families, my actual crazy family, my crazy Mac family, and my crazy Harp family). This is the first time I’ve actually lived on my own (a dorm excluded). Don’t get me wrong, I’ve made friends. Pretty awesome friends who live within walking distance. But we gotta be up at 7, and spending all day listening to a language that you’ve no PRAYER of understanding gets tiring, as does being completely unable to do small things like go into a store and buy something without looking like a complete idiot, so I don’t see them every day. I’m gonna get used to looking like/being an idiot anyway and sucking it up and moving on, all by myself. I’m gonna learn to control pissy 14 year olds who do not give a FUCK about the present progressive or about my powerpoint.

I’m gonna learn to work with people, who, at the end of the day, have every right to be more than a little annoyed that I’m here: I’m an immigrant who speaks no Korean, has no experience teaching, has not had to jump through one of the million hoops that they have, who probably would get a worse score on a grammar test in their native language, who can’t even READ the textbook, who has a miniscule workload in comparison, works less hours, is beloved by the students for no known reason, has tendency to probably drink to excess and be all weird and western, and who makes BANK doing all of it (while asking LOADS of stupid questions). [As a side note, to give you an idea of how good we have it, there are many middle/high schools right now who are faced with a difficult decision: the salary of 1 native English teacher OR free lunch for all students (3 grades, maybe 1000 kids). Yeah, it’s like that.]

I’m gonna hike up some mountains (that’s not a metaphor, there’s like 3 in the middle of the city). I’m gonna stay out really late. I’m gonna enjoy watching the Discovery channel and having a cup of tea in bed. I’m gonna learn another alphabet. I’m gonna see some other crazy places. I gonna learn to cook with no oven, with ingredients bought on the street. I’m gonna get a marketable skill. I’m gonna get some of those teachers who have no reason to like me, to like me. I’m gonna see how a third half lives.

Yeah, I’m gonna do all of that. All right, Asia, let’s do this.

P.S. Help me test my mail! Send a postcard to: #307 Happyday 351-2, Naedang-4dong, Seogu, Daegu, South Korea. I’ll send you something weird baaaack